On your wedding day, the last thing you are thinking of is the possibility of divorce. Unfortunately, this is the reality for many couples who get married. In fact, worldwide divorce rates sit around the 50% mark, which means you are far from alone if you’re going through a divorce. Many others have gone down this same road and made it through to the other side. If you’re looking down the barrel of a divorce, don’t panic- many have walked this road before you, and believe it or not- survived.
How well you manage through the process can depend on a lot of factors, a lot of which are entirely out of your control. However, remaining positive and staying in a good head space can be the one thing that really gets you through- and the great news is, that, is entirely in your control.
How then do you stay positive? How do you keep yourself moving forward as you approach the end of this chapter of your life?
Take care of yourself.
When going through any stressful events in life, it is very important to check in with yourself and ask yourself- how am I doing? Tending to your well-being is essential to maintaining a positive outlook on life. Allowing yourself the time you need is important. This covers everything from eating right to ensuring that you get enough sleep each night. Your health and well-being need to be a priority so that you can cope with the situation at hand.
Getting the exercise you need is an important part of taking care of yourself as well. Exercising releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. It seems too simplistic, but there’s a lot of truth to it. Getting your heart rate up does a great deal for your overall well-being. Not to mention if you’re doing it outdoors, the fresh air, sunshine and being out and about can shift your focus. Releasing the stress and exerting yourself in meaningful, healthy ways can ensure you hold your head high and stay positive. It also helps to rid yourself of the negativity that can come with any divorce.
Taking care of yourself also means knowing when you have had enough. If you need to take time away from work, or commitments, make your needs known. Everyone copes with life changes differently and everyone has different needs. Letting those around you know what you need will go a long way to helping ensure you are taking care of yourself. Remember, it’s okay to say no when your plate is already full.
Get the help of professionals.
This covers a lot of aspects of the divorce. Firstly, it goes back to taking care of yourself. If you need to speak to someone don’t feel ashamed or afraid to reach out for help or therapy. Having someone help you cope will assist you in being positive and finding the silver lining of the situation.
This also means that if things are difficult, and your divorce includes children or property, to know when to reach out to lawyers should you need to. They are trained in the chaos that can come with divorce and can assist you in making sure you are happy with the outcome and that it is everyone’s best interest. Everyone has an ideal that things will end amicably and without the need of lawyers and professionals, but sadly it isn’t always the case.
Speaking of children, knowing when they need the help of professionals will be an important aspect. All too often adults get caught up in the power struggle of the divorce and forget the little ones involved. Having them also have a safe place to let go of the stress will help you keep your positivity throughout the process.
Connect with those around you.
Instead of feeling like you are losing something, remind yourself you are regaining your independence and starting a new chapter in your life. Reconnecting and establishing relationships with loved ones, and friends can help you to move through the divorce. Having a shoulder to cry on, or to laugh with can help make the days shorter and remind you that you are worthy of love and can live after divorce.
This can also be connecting with new people altogether. In some relationships, and often those of couples getting divorced, we let our hobbies and interests go the wayside and lose who we really are and the things we love to do. Getting involved, or re-involved in those things can help connect us to new people and give us a social group outside the friends we had as a married couple. This can bring a new level of positivity to your life by re-establishing you as an independent person and reminding us of the things we love to do. It’s also a great opportunity to try new things. Embracing the changes rather than resisting them can be a great way to accept this new chapter of life.
Take the time to grieve
Check-in with yourself and your emotions. No matter how long you were married or the reason for the divorce, there will be a mourning period. This is understandable and completely normal. Allow yourself to grieve the end of this chapter of your story. Know that just because it didn’t work out with this person, does not mean it will never work for you. Sometimes a person is just brought into our lives for a season. Once the season is over, and the lessons learned, the relationship ends. No one expects you to just be okay the very next day, and you shouldn’t expect it of yourself. By checking in with yourself and how you are feeling you are keeping yourself healthy, and not repressing your emotions. If necessary find a support group or someone you trust to confide in.
Speaking of emotions, reminding yourself of the positive ones in your life will go a long way. Start each day, or end each night by making a list of the positive things in your life, or the things you are currently grateful for. Make it a habit. This will remind yourself on the days you are down of all the good things going on in your world, as well as all the reasons to keep pushing through and moving forward.
This can also be a great time to start a journal. Do a brain dump. Just let the words flow from your fingertips and the words pour out. Don’t worry if they don’t make sense or go off on tangents. Getting it out of your body is the goal. Letting the hardships disappear and go into your writing can be the greatest relief. You may also be surprised in a day or two or even a week if you look back over your writing to see
that things that bothered you that day, really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things or weren’t as difficult as you thought they may be.
In the end, the key thing to remember is that you are you and what works for one person may not work for the next. Understanding that you have survived every day of your life so far can remind you that this is just a hiccup in the big picture and that you can hold your head high, remain positive and have a happy, fulfilled life.
Louise Procter is a writer for Compensation Lawyers in Australia. Louise lives by the beach, on the sunny South Coast of NSW she enjoys sipping a good strong coffee whilst creating articles that provide information and inspiration to readers to help them in their everyday lives.