How many times have you said yes when you really want to say no?
People Pleasing is a massive (and delicate) topic and I will go into further detail in another blog post, but if you have a situation now, whereby you are seeing people or doing something you don’t enjoy, it’s time to STOP. The exercise below can help you identify what or who these situations are. It’s only when we stop and analyse how we are feeling about particular events or people that realise what or who is making us feel bad and what needs to be removed from our life.
Go find a quiet place, grab a coffee, pen and paper and follow the below:
1. Draw Circle 1 (Time) and break up how you currently spend your time on average over a week or a month. Be Honest. Categories are: Sleep, Work, Travel, Chores, Social, Me Time, Family, Friends (you can pick other categories for the Circles)
2. Draw Circle 2 (Time) and carve up how you would ideally like to be spending your time.
3. Draw Circle 3 (Relationships) and carve up who you currently spend your time with: On your own, Partner, Kids, Family (like), Family (don’t like), Colleagues (like), Colleagues (don’t like), Friends (you like), Friends (don’t like) Client’s (like), Clients (don’t like).
4. Draw Circle 4 (Relationships) and carve up who you would ideally like to be spending your time with.
5. Using Circles 1 to 4 to help analyse, compile 2 lists: List 1: Activities or things you are doing that you don’t want to do. List 2: People you are spending time with and don’t want too.
6. Bring in a close (sensible) friend or spouse who you trust to help you.
7. Now go through List 1 and List 2 and identify. Do I have a choice in this matter?
8. If you have a choice (and 9 times out of 10 you will), try to stop doing that thing or seeing that person. This may be by gently distancing yourself from someone or a situation or even having an awkward conversation. Regardless try and make it happen.
9. If you don’t have a realistic choice (family, colleagues or work event) brain storm options as to how you can lessen the impact of that thing or person on your life.
Don’t react instantly, appreciate a new stance may shock particular people, so anticipate how to handle delicate situations or people in advance. But be firm. This is not a debate. You don’t need anyone’s permission. This is about making your life Happier. Life is too short to be living any other way but Happy. So don’t fill up your days doing things or seeing people you don’t want too.
Good Luck. And let me have your feedback on firstname.lastname@example.org