Welcome to my blog, The Top 5 Tips to Survive Being a New Mum in Your 40’s. My name name is Gemma McCrae and if you’re feeling knackered as a new mum in your 40’s, as in frikkin knackered, then I’ve got you covered.
I’ve written The Top 5 Tips to Survive Being a New Mum in Your 40’s, based on the sheer number of women who have wanted to coach with me since I became a new, older mum.
As in wanting coaching on surviving being a new, older mum.
As in the floodgates opened.
Whoooosh.
Since I had my babies, I can’t even begin to explain the number of enquires I’ve had, from older new mums struggling with the adjustment and wanting some resemblance of their old life back.
Out of interest one day I googled the topic of older new mums and was shocked to find that there was hardly anything out there.
So tah da…. Here we go….
A bit of background on me first, I had my first baby at 41 and my second baby at 43 and I love them more than life itself BUT BUT BUT I found the transition from being independent and carefree to becoming a mum incredibly hard.
I had dreamt about having babies for so long and then I banged out two of them in quick succession and in the space of 21 months I was the mother of two babies.
In the space of 21 months I had gone from spending my days snoozing (I’m talking 3 hours ones), doing my meditations, yoga, running my coaching Practice and basically pleasing myself, to being at the beck and call of two babies and literally having no time to myself.
As I type this my daughter is 4 and my son is 2, I’m now 45 and I think I’ve managed to adjust (ish) and I’ve got some tips that are going to help you if you’re struggling day to day.
So, in no particular order here are The Top 5 Tips to Survive Being a New Mum in Your 40’s.
It’s Survival
I remember being pregnant with my second and talking to a friend of mine and telling her how exhausted I was. She looked at me in sympathy she said one probably THE most effective things anyone has said to me about parenting.
“Gemma, just know that bringing up small kids is survival. Do what you need to do to get through. It’s a case of pure survival.”
I could have kissed her in that moment, it made absolutely perfect sense.
Why hadn’t anyone else mentioned this to me?
Being at a stage now where my daughter is 4 and my son is 2, I can categorially say to you, that it’s 100% about survival. Obviously, you must keep your children safe & secure at all times (and as healthy as possible) BUT outside of these parameters, do what you need to do to get by.
If that means putting them in front of the TV a lot, do it.
If that’s means giving them the same food every day because they won’t eat anything else, do it – along with a multi vitamin.
If that’s staying in the house because going out is too stressful then DO IT!!
Identify the Triggers
Start to notice when your stress levels are high, what is causing them?
We can become so engrossed with surviving the day to day, that we don’t think to analyse what are the main stress triggers? What is causing us to lose our shit? What do we dread doing? Why?
For example, at one stage, I noticed that I had generally good days up until a Thursday and Friday, when I had to juggle both of them all day. By the end of each Thursday, I would be on the phone to my husband demanding he came home on time to take over. As in clockwork, every Thursday and Friday because it had all got too much.
So, when I realised this, I started to plan my Thursdays and Friday accordingly and ensured I had appropriate distractions and activities to keep them occupied. The mornings would be lazy to take advantage of the fact that I didn’t have to zoom Florence to nursery, so we would potter around the house, read books, play games. Then Archie would have a nap and I would exercise whilst Florence watched Coco Melon. She loved Coco Melon so it gave me an opportunity to have uninterrupted time on my cross trainer….
In the afternoon, after lunch we would head out somewhere. Always somewhere contained, like a park so they could run around and get fresh air whilst I could take a break on the bench. Or we would drive over to my mums for a few hours.
Don’t Go Out
Hear me out on this one….
I noticed fairly early on with my two, that my stress levels went sky high whenever I went to leave the house. We live out in the sticks, so to get anywhere I had to load both my two into the car, along with multiple bags of nappies, wet wipes, nappy bags, snacks, juices, change of clothes, toys etc and consequently by the time I had managed to get my two out of the door, a stress in itself btw (see pick your battles), put them in the car (another battle), load the car, drive somewhere, get them out of the car, load them into pushchairs (massive battle), deal with tantrums, and eventually get to the destination, and try and have a calm conversation with whoever was IMPOSSIBLE.
As in I was so stressed and flustered that I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone.
So, I decided one day, that in an effort to reduce my stress levels, I wouldn’t be going out with my two on my own, unless I really had to or I wanted to.
And I made peace with that.
I decided we would be home bound and would take walks locally to get fresh air. Arrange play dates at mine etc.
It worked.
My stress levels reduced.
It’s a Moment In Time
I can categorically tell you now, that IT GETS EASIER.
As I type this, Florence has just started school and already I’m feeling so much better about life!!
Florence at 4 is already easier to deal with and I can pretty much guarantee, that in the next year or so I will positively enjoy it (as opposed to just getting through). So, if you’re reading this and you’re in the thick of the baby or toddler stage, then I can’t emphasise enough to try and remember that when things are getting stressful, that it is only a moment in time and suddenly it gets easier.
When the kids go to school, your life can return to some kind of normality.
It will pass.
It does get easier.
You Need a Break
Probably my top tip in my “The Top 5 Tips to Survive Being a New Mum in Your 40’s.”
I decided when I had children that I wasn’t going to put them into nursery until they were 3. I had done the research and all of it had categorically come back with the same advice: keep them with you until they’re 3.
Great in theory.
I burst and gave in at 2.5 with both of them.
I simply couldn’t cope looking after them 5 days a week and eventually there was a massive breakdown and my husband stepped in and said enough is enough – they’re going to nursery.
You need a break.
I reluctantly agreed with both, to 2 mornings a week.
When Florence turned 3 (I will do the same for Archie), I put her in for 2 full days, then 3 and then eventually 4 full days,
Looking back now, I wish I had put my mental health first and enrolled them into nursery earlier OR got an au pair or home help. Instead of accepting that rightly or wrongly, I wasn’t coping and needed a break, I ploughed on wanting to keep them with me and I shouldn’t have.
It 100% knackered me out, physically and mentally. Plus, my business suffered because I was too exhausted to work. In fact, I virtually stopped coaching all together.
In hindsight, I should have got help earlier and ignored all the research and advice because in all honesty, me being frazzled was doing my kids no good either. I don’t think it’s affected them too badly, if at all, but being at nursery for 2 mornings a week earlier on in their life wouldn’t have harmed them and on the contrary would have probably done them some good and made a world of difference to me.
So, my advice to you is to make sure you have recharge time every week just for you. Don’t struggle on your own. Ideally, get a family member to have your child / children for a morning or afternoon or a whole day to give you a break. If you’ve got 2 sets of grandparents, even better, get 2 whole days to yourself. This way your children are with a family member who loves them, it’s free and you get a break.
If family isn’t an option, then pay for care.
If paying for care isn’t an option because you can’t afford it, then speak to your Health Visitor and find out what financial support is available for you from the government. There will be something to help you.
Don’t suffer alone.
Find a support network of local mums and dads with children of similar ages and make play dates at each other’s houses. Once you get to know them well, you can take it turns to look after each other’s children.
My point is, don’t suffer alone, ask for help and do whatever you need to do to ensure that you have a break.
As older mums, I personally think it’s more of struggle to look after your children because you’ve been used to an uninterrupted, care free life, for a long long time before your children came along. So, it’s a shock to the system, more than a younger mum to suddenly have your child needing your uninterrupted attention all the time.
It is what it is, don’t suffer. Get help.
I hope this has helped you!
If you enjoyed reading The Top 5 Tips to Survive Being a New Mum in Your 40’s, then head over to my podcast page and you will find over 250 podcasts of similar topics that will definitely be of interest to you.
Gemma
xxxx
ps – This podcast will give you some tips of what you can do to get healthy when you have some free time. Click here for access.
Gemma is a leading Life Coach & Business Coach, Award Winning Podcaster and the owner of Prosperity Kitchen. Regularly featured in the national press, Gemma is one of the “go to” people on Life Coaching & Business Coaching. Gemma counts VIPs, High Net Worth Individuals, Entrepreneurs, Career Professionals, Stay at Home Parents and all manner of other amazing people as her clients. She specialises in Personal Development, Career Coaching, Older Mums, Employee Coaching, Executive Coaching, Confidence, Motivation, Health and Small Business Coaching.
